Traps, Youtube, and Mediocrity - Kyrk's 1000th Post

I'd like to dedicate this milestone thread to Elements so he doesn't update his milestone 5 minutes after mine to steal my thunder for the lulz. This story contains love, hate, action, gangs, death, Youtube, faggotry, and every other imaginable story element except comedy. Due to the nature of this shitty content, viewer discretion is advised.

This story all started one day as I was strolling down the sidewalk in my neighborhood when all of a sudden I walk past a lovely-looking woman with long, brown hair wearing bright, yellow short shorts. Intrigued by this find, I release a smooth array of words to attract her attention.

Spoiler

When this woman turned around though to reveal her face however, it was not the face of the beautiful woman I expected, but rather the devious BR tricking me with his wig and feminine ass!

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Having successfully capturing me within his elaborate ruse, BR quickly runs off to tell everyone he sees within a 20-mile radius that I was an autistic faggot who checked out his deceptive assets, making sure that I was the laughing stock of the community.

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I tried to find ways to publicly regain my manliness, however there were very few options: I could barely powergrow a beard in 2 months, let alone 5 minutes like Dasdardly; there aren't any bears to wrestle or kick in the gonads in Oklahoma; I can't afford any chainsaws to juggle since I'm working at a minimum-wage job to barely get through college; and I can't lose my virginity to a woman who isn't a hooker at the moment considering BR contacted CNN and FOX news about my recent faggotry, which is apparently considered a turn-off for the opposite gender.

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There has to be some way to redeem myself or at the very least cover up this scandal. Then it hit me. However, in order to complete this elaborate plan I must set off on my journey to get my Youtube team together.

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The first person to go to would be the former leader of the Youtube channel, King Eternal himself. However ever since he was dethroned for his tyranny, he's now downgraded to Court Jester Eternal. When I offered the opportunity for him to join, he declined due to being unable to abuse powers.

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I head towards someone who is sure to help, Chief Editor Derwin. However when asking him to apply his editing skills to some battles, he claimed he was busy with certain…time-consuming occupations, so it'll take 3+ months to edit and render a video. While it's not exactly the greatest start, it's something, so I head off onto my next task, but not before...

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...I get a call from SteelEdges saying that he can get me support from the Mafia, which would be an excellent way to…convince people to like and support the channel while also possibly…silencing BR. Upon meeting SteelEdges however, I come to figure out that we had different Mafias in mind, so I quickly scedaddle the fuck out of there before I start losing IQ points.

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Next up I try assembling some of my top formerly active narrating staff to help narrate random battles I gathered trying to get content out. However they've all either moved on to League of Legends or hit the big times, deeming the channel unworthy of their presence.

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There is one narrator I haven't talked to yet, so I head over to my friend Clifftongasium's place. I came at a bad time though because the British Pimp forgot to turn off his swag the other night, so he's now covered in bitches. While he's stuck having these women around at the moment, he should eventually get a narration in.

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I talk to Tyki regarding video subtitling, and considering that he's subtitling every word I'm saying in order to mock me, I'm just going to assume he'll continue his job.

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Since the aesoft replayer is long-gone, we need to make our battle window actually usable, so I talk to my bff Coyotte508 to assist me on this. He agrees to fix it up more, but only if I never talk to him again. I'm guessing this is either because I've asked him this about 12039732 times in the past or he needs a break from our great friendship. I'm going to bet on the latter.

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To spread the word of the channel planning on being revived, I talk to Crystal Moogle and Hannah Banana to update this social event. Before they could complete my request however, the couple runs away upon the first sight of Chris Hansen and his To Catch a Predator camera crew because apparently grown adults dating loli's is not something commonly accepted in society.

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Since Crystal and Hannah are running towards safety, I instead cautiously approach Professor Oak to ask if he can update the social events with this revival since he's busy banning any commoner that talks or looks at him funny. He quickly answers my wish so he can get back to enjoying his job, but not before I dodge a ricochet ban-hammer...

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...hitting and killing banning the once-fleeing Hannah instead, leaving poor Crystal devastated.

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Everything is ready now, so 5 months later - 1 month for the battle to be narrated, 3 months to be edited, and another month for it to be subtitled, and the first video marking our revival is finally complete, showing incredibly positive results!

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Now that the channel is revived, everyone is now remembering me as "the guy that saved the POSimulator channel" rather than "the autistic faggosaurus rex."

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I even scored an amazing-looking woman named Emi, that in no way resembles a man, who was obviously impressed at my strong dedication towards the Youtube channel. This is the night where I finally get to lose my virginity with this woman as I woo her with my seductive words.

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We start to take each other's clothes off, but as I raise her dress, I spot some familiar-looking yellow short shorts. I look up to see this woman peeling her face and wig to make my worst nightmare come true…

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…as my "girlfriend" was actually BR in disguise with a different alt name, feminine ass, a new wig and face mask, and breast implants! The bastard fooled me again!

Fin? Fin.

This concludes my milestone post. I probably won't give any shoutouts because I'm lazy and spent waaaaaaaay too much time already on this mediocre story. Here's to almost two years of the forum enduring my annoying presence!

 

10/10 would read forever

GRATZ ON 1000 POSTS KYRK <3 YOU

 

10/10, would read again



[04:27] Kyrk: You have a very feminine ass.


[04:40] Kyrk: Your boxers look yellow
[04:40] Kyrk: I hope you bought them yellow
[04:40] Bunny: Kyrk still staring at BR's ass.


[04:42] Kyrk: I admit BR's ass fooled me, although thankfully it wasn't my second guess.

 

I got all hot and bothered reading this thread. Good job, and have a great summer! —waehofen

 

Awesome read Kyrk, Gratz on 1000 posts!

I'm ready for part 2.

 

Laughed my ass off on a lot of these comics. Excellent.

 

Okay Kyrk, I'm finally ready to do everything but narrate Pokemon battles!
In all seriousness, I had a good laugh. Grats and I love men Linkin Park!
P.S. I've recently been logging on regularly and when I adjust to the new meta I'll start narrating again
<3

 

Cool story, Kyrk. Hope there is a part two.

 

This was great kyrk. Best part was the ending, but the Chris Hansen bits had it until then. Well done man.

 

I hope me dying suddenly doesn't become a thing now ;_;

Anyways, I really enjoyed it a lot. I'm glad I was able to be part of it and was able to help (even just a little) revive ded PO Youtube channel. I'll make sure to continue getting the word out on the social sites.

It's really great, can't wait for part 2.

This might inspire me to make my own then >:O

 

^^^^ these milestone posts are getting better and better

 

Chris Hansen made me laugh while drinking. A+++. Better than Ele imo

 

Excellent read lmao

 

hahahah awesome kyrk

 

better than elements'

 

excellent

 

I am much better than Weavile in the fact that I did not splutter my tea everywhere, and was a dignified lady and swallowed it and choked afterwards (I know what you are thinking of spinning this sentence into - don't).

However, props on showing Ele how insignificant he is! =D

 

I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT THIS WOULD BE AMAZING. I WILL TAKE MY PAYMENT IN RUPEES THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YES, THE ZELDA KIND.

In all seriousness, congrats Kyrk, even though my shout out was mediocre.

PS. The description is a cop. So is @notacop O_o_O_O-o-o_O-o

 

Strong thread, congrats on 1000!

 

Lmfao this is great. Chris Hansen #1

 

I lol'ed so much. Great job on the milestone.

 

Glad you all liked it, I had a lot of fun making it, despite the large amount of time it took to do so.

 

Discrimination :(

Obviously I was the best character. But seriously, I laughed a lot reading this <3

 

Haha, loved it :D

 

Congrats on 1K posts Kyrk. Loved this just as much as Eles one. :D

 

These stories never disappoint. Gratz.

 

I must read this again *-*

 

Damn I need to visit these forums more often.

 

great story kyrk, and gratz on 1000!

although i think you need to stop skipping leg day

 

^this

so priceless

 

I wonder if Oak I doing something for 2.5K posts; he may rival you!

 

I lol'd so much; gratz~

 

These threads get better and better, good work Kyrky!

 

On par with Elements' one, I like how Hikari is always the bad dude and Steeledges an insignificant faggot. Grats on 1k posts Kyrk, keep it going to-be-1k-posters.

 

but you were'n t when he wrote it, can't you just delete three comments and take a redo :D ?

 

This... is... amazing...

also i know where you got that image of you talking to coyotte now